Yesterday, I was sitting outside tanning myself. And by tanning I mean, first I bathed myself in SPF 60 since I'm not big on skin cancer, then I put on my bathing suit, went outside, sat in a chair for 5 minutes in the sun and then started crying because I was too hot. That's how I roll. Anyways, what I was really doing was trying to gear myself up for my daily run. It's a mental battle. And I don't mean getting myself to exercise. Fortunately for me I really like exercising. The hard part is just going out on the streets here where I know I'm going to get harassed. It's annoying and after two and a half years it's gotten old.
Fortunately I have a few rights.
If I am walking down the street minding my own business and you scream something obscene at me, I have the right to cuss you out.
I always walk with my hat almost totally covering my eyes and headphones in so I can't hear most of the comments thrown my way but a few weeks ago I was walking and there was a guy a few feet ahead of me who purposely put himself in my path and started making lewd gestures and was trying harder than most to get my attention. I turned off my headphones so I could hear whatever he had to say and respond to him. When I got closer he sneered, "aaah, si, m'hijita rica." I responded, "viejo culiado asqueroso." A loose translation of our conversation would be that he called med something like "hot mama," and I told him he was a "fucking digusting old man." It was really just the gestures that set me off and made me feel like I needed to retaliate.
Anyways, he flipped out when I said that. I guess he didn't like it when the tables were turned. He started screaming at me telling me I needed to learn some respect and calling me a slut, "Asi no me puedes faltar respeto maraca culiada!!!" etc. So of course that got me going even more, "Eres tu, el que anda joteando a las minas en la calle, haciendo gestos obsecenos y portantandote como un nino caliente de 14 anos...y TU me quieres hablar a MI del respeto??? Loco culiado, ojala que se muera pronto toda tu generacion machista." That means something like, "You're the one who's harassing girls on the street, making obscene gestures and acting like a horny 14 year old boy...and YOU want to talk to ME about respect? Fucking crazy, I hope your whole macho generation dies off soon." Of course, by that point he wasn't even listening to me anymore because he was still screaming and so was I, so it was a pretty pointless conversation. I crossed the street and went into my park and when I left I made sure he wasn't there before I walked home.
So anyways, the point is, if you're a guy and you say something gross to me I have the right to say whatever the fuck I want to you in retaliation. If you want to talk to me about respect...fuck off.
And my other right has to do more with the women of the country. If you are walking down the middle of the sidewalk and you have two feet of room on both sides, but you don't move to either side to let me pass, no, I won't step onto the grass to let you pass either. If you're walking down the middle and you don't move I will bump into you and throw a little shoulder check into it. Then don't turn around and give me the stink eye...bitch, you're the one trying to take up all 5 feet of sidewalk. Learn how to share. I have a right to the sidewalk too and I will claim that right even if you're walking straight down the middle.
Oddly enough, it's only the women who do that. S. says that it's just something that Chilean women have always done, they won't move out of the way for anyone even if they have space. So I can play their game too.
I have to put myself into aggressive mode before I go out every day. I don't like it. Although it may make for good adrenaline when I run, I'd rather have my run be one of the relaxing parts of my day. Unfortunately that seems impossible here. Last week I was in the middle of the street, waiting on the median to cross and somebody threw a cup of water in my face as he drove by and screamed, "Griiiiiiiiiiiingaaaaaaaaaaaa." That was just fantastic because I love running when my shirt is soaking wet. It was just like in the Weather Man where people throw things out their cars at Nicholas Cage. I didn't even move or react though because I figured if I did then the perpetrator would think it was a funny prank and might do it again to somebody else.
So those are some of my frustrations in this country. I just wish I could blend in and be able to go places tranquilamente.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
My Rights
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27 comments:
holy cow, kyle! this is going to sound horribly judgmental, but what a messed up place! how do you survive like that as a society?!
man, i just couldn't live there like that...
although, while i was living in spain, i heard a story from an american friend who was trying to work with a spanish friend of his who wanted to improve his relationship with his wife. the american told him to be more affectionate, tell her he loves her, do things that she likes, etc. the spaniard's response: why? she knows i love her--i come home at night (meaning that so many husbands simply didn't come home because they were...elsewhere).
there's no place like home.
I am really sorry that you have to put up with that. I get so angry when I feel like someone is encroaching upon rights. I have been a victim twice because of people taking away my rights so I really, really, understand where you are coming from.
I remember you writing about this a while ago and all this time I forgot you are dealing with the same old crap when you just want to run and be left alone.
Sheesh. That's crappy. I have had guys follow me in their cars, or feign being lost, that kind of thing, but MN boys, even the obnoxious ones. are generally pretty polite, relatively speaking.
I used to live in a Cuban neighborhood here in Jersey and our apartment was above a corner where illegal aliens gather to be picked up for labor off the books. Every morning when I would go to run they would yell stuff at me. At the time I didn't trust that I had enough Spanish to say anything. I would have liked to have said "Look, I live here. I'm going to run every day. I'll respect your privacy if you will respect mine." Or something.
Eventually I started getting in my car and driving to a suburban neighborhood to run. Is there a nice part that you could go to where you might be harassed less? I know it totally sucks, but it only took me 15 minutes to get to the 'burbs and it was worth it for a peaceful run.
Excellent post Kyle, probably one of your best yet you've really captured the frustration I've felt on so many occassions when you try to play fair but a motherfucker turns it around like a "lack of respect" - and it's not just the crazy fucks I remember complaining to a police officer about a bus company disobeying the law and expressing exasperation at the fact that he simply wouldn't do his job but then, out of nowhere, the issue was that I was not being respectful. And he had a gun.
Chile's National Motto:
Por la razon o la fuerza.
Except with most of the population uneducated, or schooled in institutions fostered by a military dictatorship, the "la razon" part becomes null.
Everything is reverse and backwards. Todo es mentira. This is a country where God and Law are that which one must respect - when the institutions representing those ideals are oftentimes the most diabolical (especially since the Dictatorship).
Be careful out there. This is a country where the cops can't even find and arrest neo-nazis who murder punks. A blond girl getting raped "because she asked for it" (no doubt it'd play out that way), you wouldn't even be able to get a morning after pill in time, because three major chilean pharmacies are expressing their right to do business as they wish. Thank God for such a Free and Liberated Nation.
That said, apparently the cat calls at La Vega are very entertaining. I mean, they're obnoxious and offensive but there's a certain folkloric artfulness of the campesinos which surpasses the slimy "hijita rica" nonsense.
Speaking of that slimy bastard, why don't you blog about the next time that happens and you place a citizens arrest for lewd conduct in public. Bring your cell phone and call the cops, explaining that there's been a gunshot murder (with luck that'll get their attention) and then keep your eye on the dude. If you ever do get him and the cops together, and you place your accusation - see what happens.
I feel all tense and shaky just reading your post. I know exactly what your going through and its a terrible feeling to have to always be on the defensive when you leave your house. Just the other day my Chilean wife was reminiscing about how shes going to have to put up with that kinda shit when we return to Chile, and I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I have a history of chasing assholes like this down the street (specifically in Chile) and that's when they've disrespected me, I don't know what I'm going to do when it happens to my wife or family. Being confrontational is hard for me, because I'm not, but in those types of situations I've had to force myself to be.
Then my wife gets pissed because she knows the dangers or sticking up for myself.
Yes, this stupid way of communication many man have in Chile is a shame and I kwon people (girls) who couldn’t stand the pressure and leaved, but you seem to be a strong woman so I hope you won’t give up, that is not what I could say about Rik.
Unfortunately changes take to long although people is more aware of the problem now. You can read about sexual harassment and domestic violence in the papers every day and new lows against this cane of abuse are coming up. Too many Chilean man thinks it is okay to treat women in a rude way but don’t forget that finally they are a minority. Anyway Rik, take precaution and stay at home.
Yikes.
That is all I have to say.
And I will be much more grateful during my run in American suburbia tomorrow.
Here's a question: Kyle can you even buy mace in Chile? Is that something Chilean women carry around? I've never heard of it. Fuck if you can't buy morning after pills you gotta at least have some form of self defense, right?
Holy crap! That stinks that you have to go through all that just for a run!
What I'm trying to say is: fuck witty retorts. They're gonna pull that "lack of respect" bullshit and it's really anybody's call if you'll get the last word in, or feel good about it after the confrontation is over.
Mace. A couple quick squirts, run like hell, you win.
I hope we both get out of here quickly. X
Can you get one of those air horns people use at sporting events? (here's a cool how-to video on building your own: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/352175/how_to_free_air_horn/)
Then whenever a guy starts giving you crap: AIR HORN!!!
Spanish women take up all the sidewalk as well! Its so annoying!!
I can´t believe someone threw water in your face, thats so funny (in an unbelievable way - I am sure it wasn´t at the time) My friend who lived in Italy once had what she thought to be water poured on her from a balcony in the street, seconds later realised it was piss! So awful its funny!
Glad you told that man off. Gotta stick up for yourself!
xx
That's bullshit. I wish I knew enough spanish to curse back, but I don't and I would have just kept walking.
Ugh, that's horrible! I'd feel just like you, hesitant to go out because of those kind of unwanted encounters. I'm so anti-social at times and even having someone watch me drives me crazy. Then others it doesn't bother me at all. Having an event like you describe happen would make me hide inside, I think.
I'm glad you're not though! :)
Wow, that sucks.
And I usually run to relieve my stress...have to think that running in that kind of environment would be a little counter-productive for me, though...
Did you experience similar harrassment when you visited as a younger teen?
Jayna
...
Move
Back
To
Tampa.
kyle, don't lose heart and try to channel all your frustration into cussing out the dirty old mofos, I plan on doing exactly the same on my return to Chile, and I think if you ask me, you've been pretty level-headed and mature about the whole thing. Just think that both S. and your futuro hijos ARE the next generation of Chileans, and will have grown up with a health respect for women and foreigners.
first of all you are a bad ass. Sorry about the dill holes on the streets. I think you should come home. Put S in your back pocket. :)
Yo siempre había pensado en viajar a Chile pero, después de leer tu historia, ni loca. En mi país (PR) los hombres hechan piropos pero tienden a ser más respetuosos.
Claro está, hay algunos vecindarios a los cuales no entraba ni loca.
I am living my own conundrum. Since I was born in PR, that makes me an American and - I thought - an equal to every other citizen.
Now that I moved to Dallas 2 yrs. ago, I have learned the hard way that I am considered a foreigner.
Never thought I'd feel like an expatriate in the good old USA but I do. I do like living here, but I am very homesick. Unfortunately there is nothing left for me back home, so this is a permanent move.
I hope things get better for you! Stay safe.
Oh my god. This is one of my topics for NaBloPoMo. I am so linking to you when I come up with it.
Honestly i can't understand. Kyle always say bad things about Chile, please come to your country!! You are suffering a lot here!! I can't understand, why do you suffer all kinds of horrible stories and my friends (women) doesn't tell nothing compared to your stories. hey, USa is not better, in fact the criminality is huge compared with Chile, and there are many differences: In Chile just there are 200 or maybe 300 cases of killed people per year, how much cases you can get it in USA? thousands!!! In fact, USA is the capital of the world when you are talking about serial-killers and - i saw in National Geographic- it has the most high ratios in the world about criminality, so... americans don't want to live in Chile, i'm sure you are more safe here than in USA.
Of course, many people is uneducated, i'm agree, but that's no a general problem and the most of people seems good people. Chile is one of the most safe countries in LA, even though we have problems, can you to say your country doesn't have problems? i sure not.
So Kyle, get out of here, you are suffer a lot, but now you are saying just bad things about Chile, you hate live here, come on, ask me a favor, get out of here, you will be more happy and maybe you can find another husband, a real "gringo" plenty of money. I have economical resources, i was in Europe many times, but i never will go USA, do you know why? because it is the most dangerous place in the world, international statistics confirm it. So, americans are totally blind to their own problems, they are the most hated country in the world. Europeans, and i have many friends in several countries in Europe, thinks you are a lot of people unable to deliberate about the country, you just pay taxes, to buy a lot of fun -Disney, Stupid Hollywood Parks and so on- and voilá: you got a life, it is pathetic!!! Chile isn't better than USA if you are talking about quality of life, but there are really less problems than your country, your country to buy their consciences using a lot of money, and you live like a butterfly, or like a fly.
Oh well, i think i must to "edit" my comment because it is plenty of gramatical errors, but you know, its too late and i have no time to do it, sorry!!!
of all my experiences in south america, i found the men in santiago were by far the worst! i couldnt walk a single block without at least one man yelling something at me. i dont fully understand why this is and i dont like to have to get in an aggressive mood, as you say, whenever i visit!
This is excellent, it made us laugh a lot, although I'm sure it was not particularly funny at the time. The incident reminds me a bit of an episode from the book "The World According to Garp" where the main character decides to run after a speeding motorist and ask them to stop speeding on residential roads. In both cases the reaction of an aggressive character who is not used to their presupposed rights being challenged are vividly and humourously related. Well done for standing up for your rights, and thanks for sharing the story.
I´m sorry all this shit happens to you but I must say it is so nice to read your blog. I've had soooo many similar experiences. Yeah with the chics who won't share the side walk, if I´m not in a hurry, I´ll just stop right where I am and get really interested in anything really, it doesn´t matter, and look at it and pretend to be totally unaware that this aggressive santiaguin chic was planning on making me move out of her way. God is it satisfying to do that. Every time. The "walk on the right side of the sidewalk" thing is definitely null and void and actually never existed in Chile. Chaos reigns on the sidewalk. If you're in a hurry its a bit like slalom skiing, you just have to suck it up and dodge people as they show up in your personal space. Living in Chile takes lots of will power.
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